DEPENDENCY THEORY

Effects of Domestic Conflict on Minors

Domestic conflicts are the grey area we normally avoid plunging in, for a deeper analysis. Its perils can be more lethal than one can imagine. The notion that the quality of our closest relationships has a profound effect on our self-esteem is indisputable. More so, we tend to forget they have material consequences in the physical, emotional and cognitive growth and development of our children; the pioneers of our future.

An academic insight of the topic reveals that couple conflicts have had the worst impact on the growth ability of children. The fact that dispute among parents can have a deteriorating effect on a child’s psychological development has been accepted long since 1930s. (Towle, 1930). Studies have also shown that children of age as low as six months can react to an hostile domestic environment in the form of elevated heartbeat, a condition non-existent in children who grew in non-hostile environments. Children of age group up to 5 react by acting up, crying, freezing or completely withdrawing from the surroundings. It was further noted in researches that couple conflict can lead adolescents to show criminal and anti-social behavior along with deficit in academic attainment. (Harold, Aitken & Shelton, 2007). A pre-conceived notion that seriously needs to be discarded is that conflict essentially needs to be overt in order to have a measurable impact on children; in other words, severe enough to be labeled as domestic violence, perhaps. However as the decades have passed, it has been found that behaviors that are primarily discordant and non-violent also exert a negative impact on the development of children (Cummings & Davies, 2010; Rhoades, 2008). Most of us even fail to recognize that an aggressive behavior of a child is almost never inherited and only developed over the time by any parenting flaw – Couple Conflict being at the top of list.

It is interesting to note that adverse effect on a child’s emotional development is not necessarily caused by a violent relation between parents; rather, a relation inclined towards mutual apathy and withdrawn behavior can make a child feel unwanted and invariably almost always consider him/herself the cause of conflict (Cummings & Davies, 2010; Rhoades, 2008). A deciding factor could be the way parents resort to conflict management. It would be surprising that even the conflict. There have been researches in past that involved a target sample of roughly 290 kids with single mothers/parents, and it was found that their self-concept was somewhat more distorted than those who lived in an intact family (Raschke and Raschke, 1979). In 1982, Emery resorted to finding out the connection between marital turmoil destructive behavioral deviations in children. It is important to understand that there are about three aspects of conflict, that play a detrimental role in determining the damage inflicted on a child, first the form of conflict (arguing, avoidance or hitting); second, the nature of content involved (sex, child rearing or money) and third, the duration. This is where we separate periodic conflicts from chronic conflicts. Periodic conflicts last for shorter duration, they are occasional and appear resolvable to child. Chronic conflicts, however, form the root of child’s suffering and leech at his/her self-esteem. Chronic conflicts have the third aspect of conflict involved to a degree where the recurring fights become so long and appear endless to the child, that they absolve any hope for having a normal family. If such conflicts involve physical abuse of either party involved, it either terribly inculcates fear in the child or stimulates incriminating thought pattern in the child’s brain. Emery had pointed out another interesting factor, she proposed that gender of the child can determine the nature of impact of hostile conflicts; whereby girls become more withdrawn and boys might become verbally and physically aggressive and apathetic even. Another important research conducted by Morrison and Coiro in 1999, on a sample of about 727 children revealed that children who are parented by a couple stuck in a bad marriage do far less better than those who are a parented by divorced children. This brings us to the application of this data and researches on social and demographic structure of our country. Our country, Pakistan, is very diverse when it comes to discussing family systems and often we have conditions and situations going on that are perceived completely normal despite their being completely unnatural. In a mental health survey, it was found that about 30-40% of people in Karachi alone suffer from mental health issues. They are more common than we know, and their roots lie in failed marriages and broken family structures. All the religious and even popular socio-economic beliefs and custom set parents on a pedestal; it might as well not be considered infidelity if we worshipped them. When these same “divine figures” end up quarreling in front of their offspring, what lies ahead for the child is a dilemma. His whole belief system is shaken and he no longer knows what he can and has to believe in. Chances are, children almost never recover from this trauma and even learn to put it behind as they grow up. Along with leaving the trauma behind, they stop acknowledging the behavioral changes that occur due to such conflicts. The most detrimental effect to behold in any such conflict is when the power dynamics are not stable. If either of the father or mother is more aggressive and verbally expressive with their anger, it leaves a trail for the child to be followed. An abused mother can raise either a timid daughter, or a woman who cannot possibly trust a man to be kind.

It’s imperative to understand that no two people are alike and therefore arousal of conflicts is only naturally. However, our attitude towards the conflict and the way we communicate our differences and try to resolve them determines the degree of success or vice versa of it, and other relations dependent on this one relation. It might as well be wise to consult couple counselors and not undermine the effects a couple’s quarrels can have on children. Together, we can hope to make the family structure more reliable than dangerous.